USING WORDS TO HEAL: I’ve Been Fighting This War Within Myself Makes the HPPR Summer Reading List

Antonio Sanchez-Day’s posthumous poetry collection with Meadowlark Press, I’ve Been Fighting This War Within Myself, made it to the High Plains Public Radio Summer Reading List. Meadowlark’s own Emilie Moll explains why readers should choose the newly awarded Kansas Notable book to read in 2024.

Read the article here or listen to the audio at HPPR’s Radio Reader’s Book Club series!

I’m Emilie Moll, editorial assistant for Meadowlark Press, for the High Plains Public Radio Summer Reading List. Our small, independent press specializes in stories from the Midwest, and today I'll be talking about a Meadowlark Book, I’ve Been Fighting This War Within Myself, by Antonio Sanchez-Day.

    Antonio was a poet from Lawrence, KS who lived from 1974 to 2021. In his poetry, he shares his culture, the pain of rejection, the peace of belonging, the anguish of his regrets, and many lived experiences of serving two prison sentences and the events that led him there, all written in captivating verse. Published posthumously, this second poetry collection carries on Antonio’s legacy of using words to express and to heal.

    Recently awarded a Kansas Notable title, I’ve Been Fighting This War Within Myself gives a voice to a population whose experiences are deeply personal and, it seems, rarely represented in literature. The book is filled with photocopies of lined loose-leaf paper, marked with poems in Antonio’s handwriting, which reminded me the whole way through the book of how real, and from the not-so distant past all of this was.

    I thought to myself, as I was writing essays in school on lined paper, Antonio was writing lyrical rap songs, sharing how they make, quote-unquote, Jailhouse coffee, and fighting a violent battle with his own inner demons on the same type of paper. This poetry brought me closer to one point two million individuals – Americans incarcerated in the United States prison system, as of 2024. It gave me a reminder I did not know that I needed – that inmates are equally as human as those walking the streets, and are not to be shelved and forgotten, left without a voice after their final sentencing – and Antonio showed me how brave these voices can be.

    This poetry showed me a depth of pain and darkness I had not known before, and with the same wing, brought me back up to the light and taught me resiliency. Antonio seemed to tell me between these pages that, no matter what grave it seems you have found yourself in, you can make it out again.

    The first section of this collection is called, “Hometown: Trying to siphon out the love from the hate”. As I embarked on this journey with Antonio, I got the sense that he did just that with each poem he wrote. To me, it seemed that the venom on these pages was the pain that he wanted to leave behind, and by trapping it on the page, he might’ve walked away lighter. These poems are acts of transformation and reflection. They are breadcrumbs that take you through Antonio’s life. And they immortalize him, his choices, and his unique voice.

    Antonio built a community of writers around himself, both during and after he completed his sentence. It was during his sentence, as a student in the creative writing classes offered at the Douglas County Jail, that he met Brian Daldorph. Brian is a poet, Professor of English at the University of Kansas, and creative writing instructor at the Douglas County Jail, who curated this posthumous collection. Antonio regularly returned to the Douglas County Jail after his sentence, this time as an instructor to these classes. Brian has this to say about his experience with Antonio:

    “You are still with us, Antonio, in these words [...] and in the hearts of those who knew you and loved you for showing us the marvelous transformation you were able to make as you hauled yourself out from the quote, basement’s basement, end quote, to sit with judges and give them good advice, to tell us all how it is possible to move beyond trauma and to appreciate the simple joys of being alive.”

    I’ve Been Fighting This War Within Myself is available wherever you buy books. As a Kansas Notable book, be sure to encourage your loved ones, as well as librarians and teachers to put this on their shelves. Learn more about I’ve Been Fighting This War Within Myself, what we’re doing with the proceeds, and other Meadowlark titles at meadowlarkbookstore.com

    I am Emilie Moll for the High Plains Public Radio Readers Book Club’s Summer Reading List.